Utterly Mad

inspired by a conversation me and Stopsignal had, post any insane, apeshit, awesome or funny stories of family and friends here. I'll start us off with the story of my friend cutting a good deal of his index finger off. he was trying to open a bottle of woodglue with a glass stopper in it. it wouldnt twist off, and he couldnt pull it off, so he decided that the smart course of action was to get a survival knife and pry it open. so, he was levering it open, the top popped off, and his hand slipped, and he GOUGED A MASSIVE SLASH into his finger. so, he drops it all, he is home alone, so what does he do? what, call someone? that would be smart/normal. no, he grabbed a bunch of paper towels, duct taped them to his hand, and sat on the couch staring at it until his mom got home 3 hours later. his bloodloss filled mind thought that his mom would be mad at him for making her come home from a meeting, so he didnt call. turns out he lost a MASSIVE (a pint i think?) amount of blood, and was barely awake. still has a nasty scar there. his mom had this to say about the whole ordeal. "so, you had the presence of mind to google how to make an improvised bandage for a large hand wound, make the bandage and apply it, and celan up the bloodspills, but not to call anyone?"

I go to BSA summer camp every year.

My first year I tripped on a rock, landed on my knee, broke it, then proceeded to walk around on a broken knee for three days. My knee swelled up so big you couldn't see the kneecap.

My second year I tripped and skinned my knees so badly you could see bone.

My third year I stepped in a hole and twisted my ankle.

My fourth year I didn't get hut but my friend got bitten by a snake in his sleep and almost lost his foot to necrosis.

My fifth year I tried to jump a split rail fence but slipped and the edge of the top rail went all the way down my shin. It bruised so bad I walked with a limp. There was not much blood but it was deep, and I still have a scar with no feeling to this day.

Next year will be my sixth. Good luck to me.

I broke my back and tailbone while racing someone down some old stone church stairs two years ago, and went sledding a few years back, only to go off the course and slam into a tree hard enough to take all the skin and stuff off my kneecap. Despite the fact that I could see the bone, I just bandaged it after disinfecting it and left it there. There's a scar, but I didn't have to go to the hospital. Right, then there's the time I broke a toe, and didn't actually notice/feel it for three or so days.

One time (at summer camp, 2nd year) I was at a tomahawk throwing competition. I was standing near the edge of the range. A tomahawk ricocheted off the target, a log, and flew straight at me. I dodged and it became a joke.

My tailbone is very crooked. I'm not sure if I broke it at some point or if I was born with it.

One time, in elementary school, I slipped on a jacket in the gym and got a concussion.

I was circumcised at age 8.

I used to have a scar that clipped my right eye across the tear duct, but it faded.

I am no stranger to pain. The more injured I get, the more fun I'm having. I promise you that I get hurt when I'm having fun, I don't have fun when I'm getting hurt. I'm no masochist.

Ive never had horrible injuries either...although.

 I split my skull open once by slipping in dog urine and face firsting into a hard wooden cornerpost. They glued it back together but a glove piece got stuck so I had a glive inside my head for a week.

I had a canoeing accident where I had no ability to go anywhere and lost contact with my family for a couple minutes. Ended up having to do an uphill backflip to get out.

 Used to have seisures I guess...I can still completely roll my eyes.

 Think that's about it...I try not to be stupid often.

inspired by a conversation me and Stopsignal had, post any insane, apeshit, awesome or funny stories of family and friends here. I'll start us off with the story of my friend cutting a good deal of his index finger off. he was trying to open a bottle of woodglue with a glass stopper in it. it wouldnt twist off, and he couldnt pull it off, so he decided that the smart course of action was to get a survival knife and pry it open. so, he was levering it open, the top popped off, and his hand slipped, and he GOUGED A MASSIVE SLASH into his finger. so, he drops it all, he is home alone, so what does he do? what, call someone? that would be smart/normal. no, he grabbed a bunch of paper towels, duct taped them to his hand, and sat on the couch staring at it until his mom got home 3 hours later. his bloodloss filled mind thought that his mom would be mad at him for making her come home from a meeting, so he didnt call. turns out he lost a MASSIVE (a pint i think?) amount of blood, and was barely awake. still has a nasty scar there. his mom had this to say about the whole ordeal. "so, you had the presence of mind to google how to make an improvised bandage for a large hand wound, make the bandage and apply it, and celan up the bloodspills, but not to call anyone?"

Speaking of loosing fingertips, years ago when we were children, my sister cut off the tip of her pinky finger while cutting potatoes for mashed potatoes.  She couldn't find the tip, so it presumably landed in the potatoes. 

We never found out who ended up eating Lady Fingers Mashed Potatoes that night. 

My arms are covered in small scars I don't remember getting. Just a ton of little lines that are slightly discolored in the way scars are. I count 11 on the left arm, 8 on the right. Those are only the ones I don't remember getting. Also, I have this curved scar on my thigh from where I fell off a horse and it stepped on me.