Author Topic: The Community Dwarf Fort Thread  (Read 6884 times)

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ApatheticExcuse

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Re: The Community Dwarf Fort Thread
« Reply #60 on: August 16, 2016, 07:22:16 am »
"Is this all your king has to offer this year?" he jeered. "Such puny creatures. Hardly even a snack for the mighty creature within the labyrinth. Anyway, let's get on with it. I am not a hard-hearted man, so I will let you choose which one goes first into the Minotaur's den. Who is it to be?"
- Excerpt from Bubbabeseus and the Minotaur


Autumn - 15th Limestone

FINALLY, SOME FUCKING ACTION.

Apparently the resources getting put into my project have been noticed by some of the more fierce wildlife around here. Guess what the fuck we had show up!



An honest to motherfuck Minotaur! In retrospect, I think it was all the roads - these sorts of fucking critters are just absolutely super-gay for fucking roads. I don't know why, and I don't care - I'm pretty fucking super gay for killing shit like this, so the more the better.

Man, was I ever fucking pumped about this - I'd finally get to stab something that wasn't trying to sing shitty elf-pop at me! I mustered our forces, check my arrow supply, and cried the charge! And it was truely glorious.

The minotaur cried some shit about being big and mighty and hungry (I don't fucking know, I was busy laughing my head off like a little fucking girl I was so excited), and charged with what I can only call astonishing speed for something it's size towards the project's proving field. A couple of civvy bolds were in the way - a few of those "farmish" things, and a fisherbold. I'll give the fucking fisher credit, he charged right back at the beast, swinging his hook like he was gonna run the bastard right through and gut it. Course, that didn't happen - instead it pulled off his arms and chucked him a few feet away. Still, I gotta admire his Boldy-ness, and I made a mental note not to shit in his coffin before we scraped him up.

Can't say the same for the other two - they ran like a bunch of pussy elves who've seen a... I don't know, a bear having sex with a tree or whatever scares those cocksuckers. Fucking elves. Who cares. Anyway, they ran for it, but that was apparently about as effective as running towards it - one of them managed to kick the minotaur right in the knee during her death spasms though. She's getting less coffin-shit I suppose.

The fucking thing was just about to get into the workings of the project and fuck a whole three seasons worth of work when the first squad of spearbolds got there. I gotta admit, for a bunch of soft, pansy-ass fucknuggets, they did ok. The minotaur raged and stomped, but for the most part, they stayed clear of it, ducking and rolling around it's feet. My squad caught up, and we filled the fucking bullbitch full of arrows.



You could see the monster was starting to get a little worn out when one of the spearbolds got a pretty fucking clever idea, though it didn't look like much at first. He charged away from the battle, but before I could stick an arrow in the back of his filthy fucking coward skull, he wheeled around, and bolted straight towards the raging minotaur. Jamming his spear in the ground, he launched himself almost as high as our in-progress defensive works, quickly spun the spear around, and then, and I fucking shit you not, he rammed that little fucking stick STRAIGHT THROUGH THE BEAST'S FUCKING SKULL.



Needless to say, I'm pretty fucking impressed. I think this 'Bubbadoo' is a true Bold - I'm sure I'll find a way to reward him as an example to the others soon.

Autumn - 21st Sandstone

The fucking nard Chaos got together with some of the ridiculous, whiny "grievers", and they all came to me all fucking worked up about the tools who'd managed to get themselves ripped apart in the battle.

Bitches, please. We killed a fucking minotaur with three losses, and without a very qualified army. You should all be happy you can still fucking cry - that thing would have ripped your fucking tear ducts out through your asshole if it wasn't for me and Bubba and the rest of the army.

Anyway, they whined for a while about what a fucking tragedy it was, and then finally that fucking prick said "Apa, maybe we should bury the dead so that these poor bolds can move on."

What a fucking nutmunch. Bolds don't move on, they get BOLD. They kill shit, they steal shit, and they have a good fucking time. Bah. Anyway, I figured they would stop crying eventually, but they didn't, the fucks, so I had the miners carve a pretty ample catacomb into the hillside. I also figured I could reward Bubba a bit for being a REAL Bold, so I carved him out a nice little tomb for future use. Let it be known that the Great Warmaster Apa will take care of her men, should they be Bold in Battle. If not, have a shit in your coffins boys, it'll keep them warm for you.



Autumn - 29th Timber

Not a fuck of a lot happening around here. The project is nearly done, as are the expanded defensive works. I'm noticing some of the other bolds around here are kinda being fuckers about the who project thing - I catch them chuckling when they think I'm not fucking looking. Fucking dicknipples. Think they might be the first ones I put to death when this fucker gets running.

Gone. Cheers guys.

 

NOCTIFER IS A FAGGOT