What I am about to post is very long, or so I've been told. I have some friends who were supposed to read through this and basically pick it apart for me. That was a month and a half ago, they still haven't done it. Instead, I have decided to toss it in the direction of Utterly Mad and see what happens. What I desperately need from you, is to just read. At your own pace. Give feedback. I want this story to be right, and to make it right, I need feedback. Please do not comment on spelling or grammar, I'll correct it myself later. What I need is what you feel are the weakest points, what about the strongest points? Where are the plot holes? Are there bits I should axe? Most of all, I just need to see what people think. My other friends have no time for this, and I trust most if not all of you enough to put it here.
I'll be throwing it up a few paragraphs at a time.
Ferret considered, not for the first time, returning to Bright point. She thought about how much safer she would be in Bright point. Bright point was bitterly cold, but it wasn't as damp or infested with the undead as the bleak coast. It hadn't always been called that of course. Not long before the birth of her great great grandfather, Bha-Yahn had not gone into decline, Gulgatha's capital hadn't yet sunk into the ocean, and the ravening horde had not yet breached the Paint Valley. Back then, it had been called "The Gulgatha Grazelands." Shortly after breaking through the forest on the overgrown southern coast road, Ferret crested a low hill and found that her objective had come into view. Peeking out from beneath the thick fog that hung over the swamp of tears, was the Tower of Gulgatha. The land below had not always been swamp, and the city of Gulgatha's descent into the ocean had not been gradual. It had been a disaster. On an early winter night, the land had suddenly given way and an entire region of farms and grazelands had slipped several feet. Guglathas residents found themselves neck deep in salt water. Many had drowned, many more froze to death with no homes to seek refuge in. Those that survived went south, but did not dare to approach Bha-Yahn. Bha-Yahn had no idea of the doom that had come to Gulgatha, and the displaced Gulgathans had their doubts that they would be welcomed in the city of their long time enemies. Besides, Bha-Yahn had it's own doom to deal with. For Ferrets part, she had seen Bha-Yahn, and had given the diseased and dying city a wide berth. Below, in the leaning tower, she could see a flickering light. Possibly the camp fire of some hermit. Her goal had been to go to Gulgatha and see what had become of the home of her great grand father and to reclaim an heirloom seized by the Ateshites in those long ago days so she might make use of it, but that light gave her pause. Was their still someone down there in that drowned tower? The light gave her an odd forboding feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she determined to set off at once. She had to cover some ground that day, and wished to reach at least one of the farms on her grandfathers old map. Speaking of which, She took off her small pack and knelt over it. From inside she took said map, and a sheaf of notes. Both of which she had pilfered from the her fathers old things. After a quick glance at the map and replacing it, she looked through the notes. They had been written by her father, her great grandfather, and another traveler to this region. A deceptively young appearing man by the name of Stam Dalenson. A friend to Ferrets family and tutor to a great many of Bright Points young people. The sword at her hip had been a gift to her on her 16th birthday. "An item from my own collection." he said, "A girl can use a sword as well as a man, and in these dark times she may have more need of it than for dresses and jewelry." Her mother had scowled at the well kept steel blade. Swords, her mother believed, did not belong in the hands of women. Ferret had given the short sword a few testing swings when Stam had stopped her. "A short sword is not for swinging girl. Rather, it is for short cuts and stabs. I will show you some day." Stam had not the time to show her on that occasion before he left to journey into the ruin lands again. Later though, he had taught her a great deal. The notes detailed a few of the hazards to be found in the swamp, and hazards to be found in the city itself. The most common of these were swamp lights, and corpses which had sunk into the bog and lain dormant even after the magical taint in the land had reanimated them. She put the notes away and looked back down towards the sunken city and noted that the light in the tower had gone out and that the morning sun, just cresting the hills in the west, had burned off a bit of the fog. She slipped her pack back on and adjusted her belt. It would be a long day.