Utterly Mad

Humming a great nationalistic tune you make your way over to those narrow ladder-like steps that take you to the ground floor. Each time the boards creak as you apply your hands and feet you feet your stomach drop like a lead-commie balloon, and looking down those vertigo inducing heights is enough to make any mortal quiver like a caught Chinese Spy. But alas as your first footstep onto Clearer Pines soil (today anyway) you feel yourself coming back down to Earth (literally and figuratively), and with that your human needs awaken too!

Before you is a grand pine forest that stretches out from all angles, starting from your hill and ending at God knows where. Your whole tower is walled off by a chainlink fence, with a (locked) fence gate being the only way out of the area; there is also a dirt path that starts just outside the gate, a path that winding and twisting down the hill. Parked right next to the tower is a old 1952 Chevy that has no gas in it, still brand new, colored in primarily green with tan being the secondary color; a 'Parks&Rec' emblem is on the doors and hood of the truck.

Next to the gate is a small little generator house, and next to the generator is a wooden outhouse that you can smell from here. Above and all around you are tall pine trees that give your 'camp' a decent bit of shade and give it a great pine scent.

You feel a bit hungry, your stomach rumbling for some nutrients of an American-flavor

You mouth is a bit parched

You could use a restroom right about now

---

Spoiler:  Needs Rolled For: Hunger, Thirst, Bladder, and Bowels. I did roll for sleep, then realized the character just got up and having them be exhausted in the morning (after sleeping) would be dumb (hover to show)

Rolling your needs: 5#1d6-1 3 3 2 1 3

Needs

Hunger: |.|.|.-.-

Thirst: |.|.|.-.-

Sleep: |.|.|.|.|

Hygiene: |.|.|.|.|

Bladder: |.-.-.-.-

Bowels: |.|.|.-.-

Fatigue: -.-.-.-.-

---

Your Inventory [Using: Large Leather Backpack]

Weapons
Weapon: [Hunting Rifle] [7/7 Rounds] [Bolt Action] [Reload Type: Insert/Clip]
Melee/Tool: [Flashlight] [60 Turns of light] [Okay for bashing]
Ammo: [x2 Boxes of 308. (28 Bullets)]

Gear
Items:
1. [Roll of Rough Toilet Paper] [4 Uses per roll] [Great Fuel for Fire]
2. [Compass] [Current Direction: Facing North]
3. [Fever Reducer] [5 Uses left] [Doubles as pain reliever]
4. [Rope] [Currently being used as a belt]
5. []
6. []
7. []

Food

1. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
2. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
3. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
4. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
5. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
6. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
7. []

... Holy fuck... just give me a minute to process all that's been said because like, wow dude, wow.

I was debating on it honestly, I figured it could either end absolutely hilariously or really **** things up, thought I'd take the chance.
You should see what I did to Darker Pines. If that doesn't lead to the characters eventual death then I don't know what will.

I immediately leave the confines of the towers fences, by climbing over the fence as I seem to not possess a key of any kind, and begin hunting for a rabbit, knowing that it would solve all of my current inconvenient human needs. Skinning the rabbit would allow me to use it as a pouch to defecate in, therefore leaving no trace of human waste for Commie SCUM to find, it's urine filled bladder could be used as an emergency source of water, but also much better used to play pranks on any Commie SCUM I happen to find and it's meat could be used to sustain myself, while it's blood could be smeared across my face, for fun.

You go running into the wilderness scrambling over the fence and running towards a rabbit. [You waste 28 Minutes doing so] After running into a clear meadow right next to the trail you begin to look for traces of rabbit, after scowering the dirt for what feels like an eternity you come up with nothing but little foot prints that lead over a cliff. Poor, fluffy suicidal b@stard; if hadn't have went over he'd have made a fine patriot... that'd you'd have sh!t on... hrm... now that you think about it that's a good example of Capitalism- before you allow those evil soviet to take your mind, a sharp pain in your gut tells you that you should probably eat something soon and relieve yourself.

She checks her compass one more time, and begins the hike to the destination. She hums an American marching song and keeps her rifle close, in case of sudden communist attacks, as is characteristic of those slippery bastards.

You head back on the trail after you decided to chase after white rabbits (maybe they had clocks?), its peaceful out. The yellow sunrise is painting the sky a beautiful golden yellow that gives everything a nice golden tint to every tree, plant, and fluttering leaves that sail through the air like old WWII fighter planes. You must've run quite a ways down the hill because you can see the tips of the pines that used to be way below you; in the air you think you smell barbeque, might be campers or a fellow ranger nearby. Hopefully they don't freak out on you with your gun out, you're just exercising your 2nd Amendment rights.

Pace: [Walking] 5(?) Hours until you arrive at your destination

Your stomach is rumbling for food, shall you feed it?

All this walking is making you thirsty

Restroom Required (I couldn't think of anything funny, so fcuk you)

---

Needs

Hunger: |.|.|.-.-

Thirst: |.|.|.-.-

Sleep: |.|.|.|.|

Hygiene: |.|.|.|./

Bladder: |./.-.-.-

Bowels: |.|.|./.-

Fatigue: -.-.-.-.-

---

Your Inventory [Using: Large Leather Backpack]

Weapons
Weapon: [Hunting Rifle] [7/7 Rounds] [Bolt Action] [Reload Type: Insert/Clip]
Melee/Tool: [Flashlight] [60 Turns of light] [Okay for bashing]
Ammo: [x2 Boxes of 308. (28 Bullets)]

Gear
Items:
1. [Roll of Rough Toilet Paper] [4 Uses per roll] [Great Fuel for Fire]
2. [Compass] [Current Direction: Facing North]
3. [Fever Reducer] [5 Uses left] [Doubles as pain reliever]
4. [Rope] [Currently being used as a belt]
5. []
6. []
7. []

Food

1. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
2. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
3. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
4. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
5. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
6. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
7. []

You shove some Spram down your gullet. OH! Freedom Fries! It tastes like salty anus mixed with pig sweat. You cringe as the last bit of Spram greasily slides down your throat, shuddering you pull out some water to wash the horrid taste away. Shortly after you go looking for a leaf to dump in, but you soon realize that you're in a pine forest, and that it probably isn't possible; but just to make you happy I'll roll for it, if you get over 15 you find a leaf.... sorry but you ain't in Nam'. You find a nice nice pine tree and expel your used up freedom on, and wipe the bits away with some toilet paper; congrats you shat in the woods, have an achievement.

Achievement Unlocked: [I AM FREEDOM BEAR]: You poo'd in the woods like a real Patriot

You once again go looking for rabbits, but fail to find any, not even anything of their existence. Your mind begins to race now, your stomach sinks, maybe those Commie bastards exterminated all the rabbits. That means you would've failed your goal, that means no more rabbit farms for hard working patriots to work at, that means no more poo-pouches made from rabbit skin, you feel everything getting blurrier and blurrier. All you can smell is burnt ribs, sweet barbecue sauce, so sweet, so smokey.

Until you hear it that snaps you from your horrid hallucination. The sound... of a fine American!

"Dammit. Martha get the other set of prime rib, these burned again." Just from beyond the wall of bushes ahead of you, on the other side, fine American campers. Perhaps they'll help you on your quest to stop the communist threat! [[Hint: If anyone wants a remotely sane character, with remotely sane posts, then post something sane. If not this shit is going to get crazier and crazier until it borders on Metafiction.]]

---

Needs

Hunger: |.|.|.|.|

Thirst: |.|.|.-.-

Sleep: |.|.|.|.|

Hygiene: |.|.|.|./

Bladder: |./.-.-.-

Bowels: -.-.-.-.-

Fatigue: -.-.-.-.-

---

Your Inventory [Using: Large Leather Backpack]

Weapons
Weapon: [Hunting Rifle] [7/7 Rounds] [Bolt Action] [Reload Type: Insert/Clip]
Melee/Tool: [Flashlight] [60 Turns of light] [Okay for bashing]
Ammo: [x2 Boxes of 308. (28 Bullets)]

Gear
Items:
1. [Roll of Rough Toilet Paper] [3 Left] [Great Fuel for Fire]
2. [Compass] [Current Direction: Facing North]
3. [Fever Reducer] [5 Uses left] [Doubles as pain reliever]
4. [Rope] [Currently being used as a belt]
5. []
6. []
7. []

Food

1. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
2. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
3. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
4. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
5. []
6. []
7. []

[[Whelp this thing just got a fuckton more darker now, maybe I can have the US Military come to forcefully remove you from the property later on.]]

Should you successfully gun them down you decide it's too risky to leave their bodies there as they are and you should attempt to make it look like a bear attack, should any other COMMIE SCUM find them then they'll never suspect anything and it'll strike the fear of the Great American Black Bear into them.

You cut the bodies up to look like a bear attack, shredding parts of it as best you can, but quickly realise how absolutely delicious it looks during it. You eat some.
[PREPARE TO BECOME A CANNIBAL AND EAT THOSE FUCKING COMMUNISTS!]

[[Whelp I've rewritten the storyline... again... it went from a "subtle" commentary on Cold War Paranoia, the Red Scare, and American Xenophobia. Too... beating you over the head with it, congrats, this went from exploration and surviving in the woods and fighting commies; to Rambo First Blood meets Friday the 13th. I don't know whether to be p!ssed or impressed. Also sorry Hibou, I guess being a sane woman isn't possible.]]


You take aim, it only makes sense to kill them... right? Maybe you are fucked in the head... no you're protecting your country...

You stick the barrel of the rifle through the bush and move some of the leaves away, you see the woman leave the trailer carrying a huge slab of ribs wrapped in butcher paper, blood soaking the underside of the paper. And a very young man tending to a grill, putting more charcoal in it, making plenty of ruckus, perfect. You take aim and gun down the man first, straight in the chest, he drops the bag of charcoal, blood flies out of the wound painting the grill.

The woman screams and drops the ribs, you take her out next cleanly. Shot to the head and she's no more. You pull the bolt back and eject the cartridge, it giving off the eargasmic sound of a 'ping'... you realize that two bullets ejected from the gun. What?

You skin them, and butcher them. But you don't eat any, you're not hungry. And you make a mask out of both their faces so you have a fashion sense.

---

Needs

Hunger: |.|.|.|.|

Thirst: |.|.|.-.-

Sleep: |.|.|.|.|

Hygiene: |.|.|.|./

Bladder: |./.-.-.-

Bowels: -.-.-.-.-

Fatigue: -.-.-.-.-

---

Your Inventory [Using: Large Leather Backpack]

Weapons
Weapon: [Hunting Rifle] [7/7 Rounds] [Bolt Action] [Reload Type: Insert/Clip]
Melee/Tool: [Flashlight] [60 Turns of light] [Okay for bashing]
Ammo: [x2 Boxes of 308. (28 Bullets)]

Gear
Items:
1. [Roll of Rough Toilet Paper] [3 Left] [Great Fuel for Fire]
2. [Compass] [Current Direction: Facing North]
3. [Fever Reducer] [5 Uses left] [Doubles as pain reliever]
4. [Rope] [Currently being used as a belt]
5. [Human Skin Mask] [Description: Carl, CARRRL! It's not right to make masks out of humans.] [Male]
6. [Human Skin Mask] [Description: Charles Manson would be proud.] [Female]
7. []

Food

1. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
2. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
3. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
4. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
5. [Human Meat] [Description: You fuckers need Jesus]
6. [Human Meat] [Description: You fuckers need Jesus]
7. []

I really am starting to hate doing this to be honest