And then the tobacco/liquor board sent in bait that didn't know what the fuck. She came in, bought a red bull and then got confused when I didn't check her ID. She let slip that she was a bait buyer to see if we were checking IDs like we should in her confusion over not being carded for buying a nonalcoholic product.
Also, fake boner pills. They have names like "Dragon," "Rhino 9000," and "Miracle." They are usually sold as a single pill for a fairly dumb amount of money. They are "herbal supplements" that claim to make you "Harder, faster, stronger" in bed. What they really are is overpriced trash pills for people who can afford to buy a single pill for 20$, but are too poor, or unwilling, to get a real boner pill like Viagra. We keep them in a flimsy plastic display case. When someone asks to buy one, instead of hearing their request, what I actually hear them saying is "Please sir, allow me to buy one of your obviously fake and overpriced con pills. I can no longer get an erection and need to placebo my flaccid member back to life. Perhaps the pill will give my tallywacker the confidence it needs to stand on it's own until I can force enough blood into it so that I might attempt ineffectually to please my comely wife/unattractive girlfriend/favored prostitute/amorous livestock. Please sir. My boner is weak and I need to trick it into turgidity with expensive snake oil bought at a highway service station." The response in my head is usually something like "Yes sir. Have a good day, and I wish you luck on your boner quest."
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