Utterly Mad
The Pit => General Discussion => Topic started by: Perigrin on March 15, 2015, 02:30:19 am
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inspired by a conversation me and Stopsignal had, post any insane, apeshit, awesome or funny stories of family and friends here. I'll start us off with the story of my friend cutting a good deal of his index finger off. he was trying to open a bottle of woodglue with a glass stopper in it. it wouldnt twist off, and he couldnt pull it off, so he decided that the smart course of action was to get a survival knife and pry it open. so, he was levering it open, the top popped off, and his hand slipped, and he GOUGED A MASSIVE SLASH into his finger. so, he drops it all, he is home alone, so what does he do? what, call someone? that would be smart/normal. no, he grabbed a bunch of paper towels, duct taped them to his hand, and sat on the couch staring at it until his mom got home 3 hours later. his bloodloss filled mind thought that his mom would be mad at him for making her come home from a meeting, so he didnt call. turns out he lost a MASSIVE (a pint i think?) amount of blood, and was barely awake. still has a nasty scar there. his mom had this to say about the whole ordeal. "so, you had the presence of mind to google how to make an improvised bandage for a large hand wound, make the bandage and apply it, and celan up the bloodspills, but not to call anyone?"
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I had a similar story when a friend stabbed me in the arm, made a makeshift bandage and tourniquet and carried on, eventually my dad found out and I went to the hospital to have it stitched up, wound was about an inch wide, two inches long.
Turns out the wound was deep enough to cause serious nerve and tendon damage and I've never been able to move my fingers properly since, although I've been slowly getting my fine motor skills back with my hand lately.
Dad was gonna shoot me in the leg with a blunt crossbow bolt once, through a thick leather trenchcoat I had, I was obviously completely up for it, but decided to shoot it at the door first to see what kind of damage it might do. It went right through the door and nearly stuck into the wall behind it, we decided it was a bad idea to shoot me with it after that.
My sense of self-preservation used to be pretty awful apparently.
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I go to BSA summer camp every year.
My first year I tripped on a rock, landed on my knee, broke it, then proceeded to walk around on a broken knee for three days. My knee swelled up so big you couldn't see the kneecap.
My second year I tripped and skinned my knees so badly you could see bone.
My third year I stepped in a hole and twisted my ankle.
My fourth year I didn't get hut but my friend got bitten by a snake in his sleep and almost lost his foot to necrosis.
My fifth year I tried to jump a split rail fence but slipped and the edge of the top rail went all the way down my shin. It bruised so bad I walked with a limp. There was not much blood but it was deep, and I still have a scar with no feeling to this day.
Next year will be my sixth. Good luck to me.
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I have had no serious injuries in my life whatsoever. The closest thing to one was when my younger brother decided to stab my back, around the left shoulder, with a dull pencil. He also dug his nails into my wrist that caused tiny cuts. I have had only one papercut in my entire life.
Umm... Oh! When I was an infant, my eyelids/cheeks (I forgot) covered my tearducts, so it would cause any tears to pool up until it spilled out in large quantities.
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I broke my back and tailbone while racing someone down some old stone church stairs two years ago, and went sledding a few years back, only to go off the course and slam into a tree hard enough to take all the skin and stuff off my kneecap. Despite the fact that I could see the bone, I just bandaged it after disinfecting it and left it there. There's a scar, but I didn't have to go to the hospital. Right, then there's the time I broke a toe, and didn't actually notice/feel it for three or so days.
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I have had no serious injuries in my life whatsoever.
What the fuck, how?
It's like a fact of life that at some point you will be maimed through your own or someone else's stupidity.
From the sounds of it you should spend some time with Flame, get yeself some injuries to talk about
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One time (at summer camp, 2nd year) I was at a tomahawk throwing competition. I was standing near the edge of the range. A tomahawk ricocheted off the target, a log, and flew straight at me. I dodged and it became a joke.
My tailbone is very crooked. I'm not sure if I broke it at some point or if I was born with it.
One time, in elementary school, I slipped on a jacket in the gym and got a concussion.
I was circumcised at age 8.
I used to have a scar that clipped my right eye across the tear duct, but it faded.
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One time (at summer camp, 2nd year) I was at a tomahawk throwing competition. I was standing near the edge of the range. A tomahawk ricocheted off the target, a log, and flew straight at me. I dodged and it became a joke.
My tailbone is very crooked. I'm not sure if I broke it at some point or if I was born with it.
One time, in elementary school, I slipped on a jacket in the gym and got a concussion.
I was circumcised at age 8.
I used to have a scar that clipped my right eye across the tear duct, but it faded.
Jeez, how are you alive?
Did Marloss Man Reborn save you?
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I am no stranger to pain. The more injured I get, the more fun I'm having. I promise you that I get hurt when I'm having fun, I don't have fun when I'm getting hurt. I'm no masochist.
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We have the same view on injuries apparently.
Anything that's really fun is very likely to injure you.
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Ive never had horrible injuries either...although.
I split my skull open once by slipping in dog urine and face firsting into a hard wooden cornerpost. They glued it back together but a glove piece got stuck so I had a glive inside my head for a week.
I had a canoeing accident where I had no ability to go anywhere and lost contact with my family for a couple minutes. Ended up having to do an uphill backflip to get out.
Used to have seisures I guess...I can still completely roll my eyes.
Think that's about it...I try not to be stupid often.
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Eh, rolling back eyes makes me cringe...
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inspired by a conversation me and Stopsignal had, post any insane, apeshit, awesome or funny stories of family and friends here. I'll start us off with the story of my friend cutting a good deal of his index finger off. he was trying to open a bottle of woodglue with a glass stopper in it. it wouldnt twist off, and he couldnt pull it off, so he decided that the smart course of action was to get a survival knife and pry it open. so, he was levering it open, the top popped off, and his hand slipped, and he GOUGED A MASSIVE SLASH into his finger. so, he drops it all, he is home alone, so what does he do? what, call someone? that would be smart/normal. no, he grabbed a bunch of paper towels, duct taped them to his hand, and sat on the couch staring at it until his mom got home 3 hours later. his bloodloss filled mind thought that his mom would be mad at him for making her come home from a meeting, so he didnt call. turns out he lost a MASSIVE (a pint i think?) amount of blood, and was barely awake. still has a nasty scar there. his mom had this to say about the whole ordeal. "so, you had the presence of mind to google how to make an improvised bandage for a large hand wound, make the bandage and apply it, and celan up the bloodspills, but not to call anyone?"
Speaking of loosing fingertips, years ago when we were children, my sister cut off the tip of her pinky finger while cutting potatoes for mashed potatoes. She couldn't find the tip, so it presumably landed in the potatoes.
We never found out who ended up eating Lady Fingers Mashed Potatoes that night.
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I have never had any injuries too serious. When I was a kid I hit the corner of a table really hard in the head once. I still have the scar today, although it's really faint now.
One day when my Mom was driving me to school on a moped we fell over. Thankfully it wasn't while we are driving but when we stopped. My leg landed on the tire and my Mom accidentally reved the gas causing the wheel to spin. I had a nasty case of road burn on my thigh.
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My arms are covered in small scars I don't remember getting. Just a ton of little lines that are slightly discolored in the way scars are. I count 11 on the left arm, 8 on the right. Those are only the ones I don't remember getting. Also, I have this curved scar on my thigh from where I fell off a horse and it stepped on me.
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I'm surprised you people haven't gotten yourselves killed yet. :P
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When I was about, maybe six-ish, we had two Scottish Highland Westies, the little white fluffy dogs and a Yorkshire Terrirer, an even smaller fluffy little shit.
Now one of the Westies was in heat, although she was quite old by this point, and we had her in the bathroom at this point to keep her away from the Terrier, but as I tried to get into the bathroom the Terrier ran past me and he and the Westie started fighting. Me being a six year old didn't understand that even though these were tiny dogs, they were still quite dangerous to my also tiny self, so while trying to grab them and pull them apart I got bit by the Westie, I knew she never meant it because her eyes were closed when she bit me, but she got my thumb and bit down as hard as she could and backed herself up into a corner, pulling my thumb with her, except just my thumb went with her for the most part.
As soon as she opened her eyes and saw what she'd done both dogs stopped fighting and went and hid in the corner, I'm guessing they understood that they just fucked up, with my thumb hanging off, only attached to me by a few small bits of skin and tendon, I rushed out to my brother and went the hospital. I never went to the therapy to regain the full use of my thumb and it still looks really messed up, it's also shorter than my other thumb now and slightly bent in a weird angle, it also started growing two nails on top of each other on my thumb but they're hard enough together that I can actually sharpen them and use my thumb as a really effective knife for about a week before it needs sharpening again.
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I realise this thread has mostly become "How did you fuck up and injure yourself"
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My fingernails are so tough I can't chew through them. They also sharpen themselves, so one time I scratched a guy and laid open his whole back. It would have been awesome if it had left a scar.
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The funny thing about me nearly losing my thumb is that afterwards we got rid of those dogs to a family friend and got two Rottweilers, got an American Bulldog that'd been abused as a puppy and a Staffordshire Terrier a while after that too.
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Although it sounds lame, I did have a pretty huge nosebleed once. And by huge, I mean huge - and the circumstances made it even worse.
So I was about 9, and was on holiday in Egypt. I was chillin' in the pool playing with an inflatable ball as you do, and the ball lightly bopped my nose. By lightly I mean it literally just stroked my nose, and it was one of those practically weightless inflatable balls.
Because logic, this caused my right nostril to suddenly spurt blood in crazy amounts. Usually this wouldn't have been that bad, but I was in a swimming pool. Blood was mixing in with the pool water, and there wasn't any tissue paper nearby to staunch the flow. Because my whole body was wet, using my arm to stop the flow didn't do much; the blood just ran down the water. I'm pretty sure the pool had to be evacuated because of all the blood.
I was hurried to a hospital in my swimshorts, leaving a trail of blood behind me. Like literally, so much fking blood was coming from my nose I couldn't even. I eventually recovered thanks to doctors giving me some sort of nasal bandage thingy that I had to wear for two days for some reason. I remember feeling ill and getting blurry vision because of how much blood I lost. It was insane.
All this because of a god-damned inflatable ball.
Thankfully the problem was addressed; nowadays my right nostril has been cauterized in a certain area (don't know the medical term) so I won't have to go through another bloodflood again. Taking out the clot after a huge nosebleed is still a really satisfying thing I somewhat miss though.
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The most desperate time of my life was when I was with an inflatable thing in my waist that kept me afloat in a pool. I was 6 or 7, I guess. Then it turned around and my legs were in the air, hahaha. Sounds funny but I was scared to death of drowning.
Anyways, I may have really fucked up stories, but I never had any injury at all. And my family either aparte from lame things. So yep.
I guess i don't do anything interesting.
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I have had absolutely no major injuries.
Unless you count owning a cat as a severe injury. Then I have.
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Damn, then I had so many.
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Owning a cat is always a severe injury.
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I shot myself in the hand with a ricochet one time. It's not really a funny story, but there's a moral in there somewhere.
That moral would probably be that doctors in the north are broke enough to not report gunshot wounds if you slip them $275.
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Me and a friend (Same one that stabbed me in the arm) had steel toe work boots on out in a field, decided to shoot each other in the foot with a .32 air rifle, seemed pretty harmless.
One ricocheted off my boot and hit me in the arm, it really hurt.
No gory story or anything, it just kinda hurt and was a really bad idea because it could've hit me in the eye. Remember kids, don't shoot your friends
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When I was younger I accidentally shot myself in the eye with a plastic plane. I wore an eyepatch for a week.
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wen i was 10,i was walking down the stairs of my home,they were made of wood but at the top its made of ceramic,it was raning and i was cheking my Collection of Base ball cards till i dint see were i was going and i slip and fell down the stairs making my Cards Fly and well...i just rolle down the stairs snaping my midle left finger and Lots of bruises and Scratches,......and i lost most of my cards because of the rain
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That perma ban on DDA has injured me emotionally.
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That perma ban on DDA has injured me emotionally.
Its okay Bubbadoo, just take joy in the fact that we killed their fanbase and artists.
(Obligatory "I'm already a demon, Kaz." post)
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*Hugs bubbadoo*
There ya go.
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A few months ago, this dipshit attempts to threaten my girlfriend's friend. I go there and scare him off. A couple of weeks later I got a call from my girlfriend, she was being threatened by the same dude that threatened her friend, I go there and he pulls the knife on me, gladly I didnt get hurt. (Leather jackets op pls nerf)
So one day later I figured out in which neighborhood he lives in, called up 4 of my friends, and we pinned him to the wall. We started asking questions, and he swore he wouldnt do it ever again. (we didnt hurt him in any way.) After we turn our backs to go home, the dipshit runs up to me and stabs my side. my friends promptly beat the shithead up and called the ambulance for me. It was sewn together, and the wound has healed pretty good. The guy was sentenced a year in prison (he wasnt able to pay my hospital bills so he got jail for longer than normal), plus 2 years for selling of and possession of drugs.
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That perma ban on DDA has injured me emotionally.
Its okay Bubbadoo, just take joy in the fact that we killed their fanbase and artists.
(Obligatory "I'm already a demon, Kaz." post)
The mods played us like a goddamn fiddle.
(Obligatory quote from same game)
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That perma ban on DDA has injured me emotionally.
In that case.
The Moddening and the current aftermath has caused me some very, very minor brain damage - .2 to INT
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I once peeled off so much dead skin that I started to bleed. So I made a improvised bandaid.
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I once peeled off so much dead skin that I started to bleed. So I made a improvised bandaid.
(http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/ffffuuuu-hang-nail-comic-rage-comic-hangnail.png)
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My friend from scouts lives the the ghetto. He once got shanked in the gut in an alley. He said the pain didn't register for a few minutes, he was so caught up in the fighting. I don't know whether he won the fight or not.
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Generally knife wounds don't hurt for quite some time, if you ever feel any pain from them at all, not due to adrenaline like most people think, since my knife wound wasn't in a situation where I'd be too full of adrenaline to feel it, it's simply because the cut severs most of the nerves in the area and it takes them a while to recover enough to realise they've been damaged, so they should let your brain know you're in pain
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Generally knife wounds don't hurt for quite some time, if you ever feel any pain from them at all, not due to adrenaline like most people think, since my knife wound wasn't in a situation where I'd be too full of adrenaline to feel it, it's simply because the cut severs most of the nerves in the area and it takes them a while to recover enough to realise they've been damaged, so they should let your brain know you're in pain
I'd have to disagree. Getting stabbed really, really fucking hurts, and even worse than that, feels just incredibly unnatural*. That thing should not be inside your body. I think in the case of getting cut with a sharp knife, the above is true though.
*To the point that I almost have a knife phobia now if the blade is at all pointy.
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To the point that I almost have a knife phobia now if the blade is at all pointy.
Eeeyy, I saw what you did there.
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Generally knife wounds don't hurt for quite some time, if you ever feel any pain from them at all, not due to adrenaline like most people think, since my knife wound wasn't in a situation where I'd be too full of adrenaline to feel it, it's simply because the cut severs most of the nerves in the area and it takes them a while to recover enough to realise they've been damaged, so they should let your brain know you're in pain
I'd have to disagree. Getting stabbed really, really fucking hurts, and even worse than that, feels just incredibly unnatural*. That thing should not be inside your body. I think in the case of getting cut with a sharp knife, the above is true though.
*To the point that I almost have a knife phobia now if the blade is at all pointy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZBH_UrclsI
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My arms are covered in small scars I don't remember getting. Just a ton of little lines that are slightly discolored in the way scars are. I count 11 on the left arm, 8 on the right. Those are only the ones I don't remember getting. Also, I have this curved scar on my thigh from where I fell off a horse and it stepped on me.
Yeah my Uncle Jack had some pretty traumatic experiences with horses when he was younger, so when we went horseback riding a couple years ago he got so scared that I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.
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That perma ban on DDA has injured me emotionally.
Yeah sorry about that, I didn't realize that ban-dodging was a thing, and that people could be banned for it.
Thanks for doing it though, that means a lot to me :)
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Yeah my Uncle Jack had some pretty traumatic experiences with horses when he was younger, so when we went horseback riding a couple years ago he got so scared that I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.
The English language is great, but people have to learn how to use it properly.
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Ah yeah, it only working with sharp knives makes sense.
Yeah my Uncle Jack had some pretty traumatic experiences with horses when he was younger, so when we went horseback riding a couple years ago he got so scared that I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.
The English language is great, but people have to learn how to use it properly.
I knew something about that looked wrong when I read it.
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Oh god, hahahah.
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I kneed myself in the face once. My nose started bleeding.
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One time I was hanging on some monkey bars upside-down and I slipped and landed on my face.
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I ONCE STUBBED MY TOE.
SO GORY GRUESOME AND GROSS I KNOW.
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I once stubbed my toe so hard I had a blood blister for weeks.
I once stubbed my toe so hard I lost all feeling in it for years before the nerves grew back.
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Every post in this thread should start with "So this one time, at band camp"
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So, this one time at band camp I got hit with a flag hard enough to bruise seriously. On my neck.
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So, this one time at band camp, i hit a girl with a trombone hard enough to bruise. I feel bad.
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So this one time, at band camp, I caused internal bleeding on my díck.
I've actually had quite a few díck related injuries.
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Typing this from my kindle. Almost hamstrung myself on a bit of metal while digging around in an automotive wrecking yard when I was younger. Also sprained my ankle jumping on a trampoline with my stepsiblings. My family was too concerned with a chihuahua that wandered into the yard shortly after to help me, so I was left lying on the trampoline for two hours before anyone even bothered to ask me how I was doing or offer to help me get into the house. When they did, all they did was give me a broom to use as a crutch and leave me to help myself so they could continue to fuck around with the dog.
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Riding my motorbike, crashed into a signpost (where did that come from?!) and did some nice damage to my left foot and broke open my elbow. I think the rest of me is just scar tissue from other bike-related accidents, although not all of them were my fault and definitely not all my blood.
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I fell in the shower a couple weeks ago, got a deep cut right between my right eye and eyebrow. Needed to go to the doctor and surgeon's glue applied to it. I still have a red scar there, not sure if permanent or not yet.
Apparently it counted as a "surgical procedure" and we got charged $280 for it. 'Murica.
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So this one time, at band camp, I caused internal bleeding on my díck.
I've actually had quite a few díck related injuries.
Kinky.
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So my beard caught fire today. That was fun. Note to others, wear proper face protection when attempting a forge weld.
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The trick for Forge Welding is to tell the metal, in a stern voice, that you are the boss and it will obey your commands.
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Somehow cut myself while cutting cables yesterday and not notice for 2 hours.
I can't even figure out how it happened as I'd have to stick my finger in thing, wasn't deep enough to draw blood only a near perfect circle almost deep enough to draw blood, as I could see red inside it.
It stung a little bit but nothing more.
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I held a spoon over a candle.
I was 7.
I was like, "Oh, it can't be hot!"
I put the spoon to my lips (Because that's like, how you test if some food is hot amirite)
Burned the top of my lip and left a scab for a few weeks. Not my brightest moment.
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Got the end of my finger mashed by a door. Was bleeding quite a bit for a damnable finger so I was a bit scared but turned out fine, though the finger nail had a weird kind of gash or something in it for a long while.
Burned a patch of my forearm pulling a pizza out of the oven once because I bent my arm and the oven door wasn't open all the way. It was pretty bad for a good few weeks.
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The trick for Forge Welding is to tell the metal, in a stern voice, that you are the boss and it will obey your commands.
This kind of shit wouldn't happen if I was a dwarf...
Speaking of this, I set myself on fire again today while making charcoal. Be wary of wood gasses, for they can be explosive. I'm fine though, rain and wet grass serve just as well as a hose or bucket of water.
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My class were picking me up from the ground, but I was a bit too big & I weighted a bit too much (90 killos) and they just released me on the ground. Nothing except a bit of pain in the head. Kinda funny.
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That is actually kind of funny max. Not that you hit your head or any of that bit, just the image of people getting half way through helping someone get up and suddenly going "fuck it" and dropping him/her.
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I used to quite frequently get hit by cars, busses and trucks because I couldn't be bothered to walk across the road any faster, I mean I figured if it hit me and killed me then that was my time to die and that was okay, never did kill me, rarely even injured me, just bruises and scrapes, so I figure it never was my time to die.
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I used to quite frequently get hit by cars, busses and trucks because I couldn't be bothered to walk across the road any faster, I mean I figured if it hit me and killed me then that was my time to die and that was okay, never did kill me, rarely even injured me, just bruises and scrapes, so I figure it never was my time to die.
Bunch of viking warriors up in here. "Todays a good day to die, VALHALLA!"
I've been hit a few time's but that was less "meh" and more "oh look, the shit lords that bullied me in highschool have just rolled their van onto my steel toe boot. Oh look, now they are sticking their heads out the window and laughing. I wonder if they will see this rock hurtling towards the rear window of their shitty pedophile van?" On one of the three occasions, it was just negligence on the part of the driver.
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I used to have a very casual view of dying, I mean I still refuse to speed up while crossing roads but I'm a bit more careful about it now.
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My first serious injury was near the age of 6/8 or so, there was a birthday cake on a glass table and somehow I ended up tripping, breaking the glass table with my face, and only getting left with a scar under my right eyebrow (even though my face was peppered with glass)
My second serious injury was me just being stupid and doing tricks with knives, so I threw my knife up in the air expecting to catch it and missed, only for it to land in my left shoulder where I still have a scar to this day.
in the middle I had a few more small knife accidents including one getting stuck in the back of my left hand and me stupidly trying to see if my knife is sharp by giving myself a cut on the palm...
My third and most serous injury was around the age of 15 where I was in a swimming pool with my MMA friends and I thought it was a great idea to try and scare my friend by popping out of the water behind him after a small dive, so in the midst of being underwater the second I was about to come out of the water another friend jumped into the pool, as he didn't see me he landed with both of his feet and all body weight on the top of my neck, the back down area of the head, where I had a few of the top spinal pieces half smashed and my spinal cord was in danger of being damaged if I moved my neck to the sides too much, I had surgery to repair the damage and a month and a half in hospital because of it, and on till this day I still have horrible aches in that area and stiff muscles that were damaged at the same time then (4 years ago), I also had a strong addiction from all the meds I had to take from the time.
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Was on a walk, fell over and a shard of rock became embedded in my arm. Note to self: Leave the rock in until you get yourself bandaged, it's a lot better to bleed all over in a more controlled environment rather than bleed everywhere after pulling it out. Was an eventful day, gotta go to the doctor tomorrow to get this bitch stitched.
Also, I have very loose shoulder joints, as AJ and Lorknis can prove. I managed to displace my shoulder twice while chatting with them yesterday pre-stream, and I popped them back with a lot of pain, making a Far Cry styled sound while they laughed.
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NECRO BITCH
I stubbed my toe so hard I still can't feel it six years later.
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That seems toetally awful
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Made myself a permanent scar on my left thumb by getting a real deep cut trying to make a bow from a branch that ended up being hallow from termites...fml
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I punched a trailer, the result being that my entire hand hurts and I, as one of my family members put it, busted a knuckle.
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I've haven't really injured myself much in my adult life. I accidentally shot a dude in the hand once though, if that counts.
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I've haven't really injured myself much in my adult life. I accidentally shot a dude in the hand once though, if that counts.
If that counts then I also accidently cut a girl in the wrists and got the pencil lead stuck...
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Today I accidentally jammed my own finger in salad tongs.
I'm totally okay but my pride isn't.
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I jabbed my thumb on a door handle while it was freezing cold, does that count.
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I've haven't really injured myself much in my adult life. I accidentally shot a dude in the hand once though, if that counts.
If that counts then I also accidently cut a girl in the wrists and got the pencil lead stuck...
I have a little piece of pencil lead in my hand from when I accidentally stabbed myself in 3rd grade. It's visible if you know what you're looking for.
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I've haven't really injured myself much in my adult life. I accidentally shot a dude in the hand once though, if that counts.
If that counts then I also accidently cut a girl in the wrists and got the pencil lead stuck...
I have a little piece of pencil lead in my hand from when I accidentally stabbed myself in 3rd grade. It's visible if you know what you're looking for.
I would be so tempted to pull the lead out...
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Once you got pencil stuck in you it's with you for life
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It's under my skin. No way am I digging that shit out.
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One day you're going to have to cut it out to escape a series of elaborate traps.
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Today I almost choked on a chicharron. ._.
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I cut myself on a quilt. Turns out there was a splinter embedded in it that's only visible when the quilt is squished.
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I'm trying desperately to come up with some kind of pun about that but I've got absolutely nothing.
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I'm trying desperately to come up with some kind of pun about that but I've got absolutely nothing.
Clearly, the events were quilt not what he expected.
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groan
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Today I almost choked on a chicharron. ._.
You have taste. Fried chunks of pig skin are delicious.