You become Jewish Hitler.
However, your greed for two wishes causes a revolt within Germany, and the city overthrows its autocratic and extremely ironic Hitler. You're thrown into a prison by force, and a Jehovah's Witness taps on your cell door and asks you to hear about our Lord and Saviour GabeN Cheesus Crust
I wish for nobody to corrupt this wish in any way possible.
No one does. How boring.
I wish I had better internet.