Alright I ain't using the template for one main reason, I took it upon myself to become your editor and edit grammatical mistakes, "Enough the make SLAM quit her hero yammering." To, "Enough too make SLAM quit her hero yammering."
As well as changing one of the VIRUS's words to ALL CAPS since you made him sound like he's a new model.
I've only made it to chapter to, but I ****ing love SLAM, and the whole adware and her getting infected is way too clever to just be a simple internet on an obscure forum. I really love it.
But if I had one complaint, it'd be with Amy's beginning, if you meant for the dream sequence to be confusing, then you did it right... or I might just be a person who can't see abstract things in word form (even when I write it). But from my interpretation after reading: She dreamt that she was on Mars or on a place equally far away from humanity, that was alien enough for her to escape her troubles. But when she looks around her, she realizes its all just an illusion or a farce, the skies are a sickly dull color with no real light, and below her feet is just a mirror image of herself that "pulls" her down to reality.
Once in reality, she views the company or The Man, she works for to be something Lovecraftian, something viewed as unholy for someone of her position until she realizes that she is slowly becoming that monster. Either that or it was about depression, or some other affliction.
I'm getting into the Jak portion of the story, but I personally feel that I should read each character's full stories (that are currently written), and just view each character as its own Book, then when you read them all you can read the connections between the three more easily.
But so far, I'm loving it, and I might give my Highway story another go, but I might make it more of a character study instead of rehashing the "group goes on wacky" adventures.
Alright I ain't using the template for one main reason, I took it upon myself to become your editor and edit grammatical mistakes, "Enough the make SLAM quit her hero yammering." To, "Enough too make SLAM quit her hero yammering."As for Amy, that's a very interesting interpretation and I'm not going to lead on or detail whether you're onto something or you're off. I'm glad to hear what you think it means because it does show me what people, those looking for meaning, are going to think about the beginning. I've had some 4-5 people read it so far and none found it "Confusing", if you mean confusing in a 'I don't understand what he's writing about and I don't know how any of these paragraphs relate to one another' kind of way. As a surreal dream of sorts, it is meant to be unrealistic and confusing in a, 'wow, none of this should be possible' kind of way. This feedback is useful because I now know more about what that section means.
As well as changing one of the VIRUS's words to ALL CAPS since you made him sound like he's a new model.
I've only made it to chapter to, but I ****ing love SLAM, and the whole adware and her getting infected is way too clever to just be a simple internet on an obscure forum. I really love it.
But if I had one complaint, it'd be with Amy's beginning, if you meant for the dream sequence to be confusing, then you did it right... or I might just be a person who can't see abstract things in word form (even when I write it). But from my interpretation after reading: She dreamt that she was on Mars or on a place equally far away from humanity, that was alien enough for her to escape her troubles. But when she looks around her, she realizes its all just an illusion or a farce, the skies are a sickly dull color with no real light, and below her feet is just a mirror image of herself that "pulls" her down to reality.
Once in reality, she views the company or The Man, she works for to be something Lovecraftian, something viewed as unholy for someone of her position until she realizes that she is slowly becoming that monster. Either that or it was about depression, or some other affliction.
I'm getting into the Jak portion of the story, but I personally feel that I should read each character's full stories (that are currently written), and just view each character as its own Book, then when you read them all you can read the connections between the three more easily.
But so far, I'm loving it, and I might give my Highway story another go, but I might make it more of a character study instead of rehashing the "group goes on wacky" adventures.
Alright I ain't using the template for one main reason, I took it upon myself to become your editor and edit grammatical mistakes, "Enough the make SLAM quit her hero yammering." To, "Enough too make SLAM quit her hero yammering."As for Amy, that's a very interesting interpretation and I'm not going to lead on or detail whether you're onto something or you're off. I'm glad to hear what you think it means because it does show me what people, those looking for meaning, are going to think about the beginning. I've had some 4-5 people read it so far and none found it "Confusing", if you mean confusing in a 'I don't understand what he's writing about and I don't know how any of these paragraphs relate to one another' kind of way. As a surreal dream of sorts, it is meant to be unrealistic and confusing in a, 'wow, none of this should be possible' kind of way. This feedback is useful because I now know more about what that section means.
As well as changing one of the VIRUS's words to ALL CAPS since you made him sound like he's a new model.
I've only made it to chapter to, but I ****ing love SLAM, and the whole adware and her getting infected is way too clever to just be a simple internet on an obscure forum. I really love it.
But if I had one complaint, it'd be with Amy's beginning, if you meant for the dream sequence to be confusing, then you did it right... or I might just be a person who can't see abstract things in word form (even when I write it). But from my interpretation after reading: She dreamt that she was on Mars or on a place equally far away from humanity, that was alien enough for her to escape her troubles. But when she looks around her, she realizes its all just an illusion or a farce, the skies are a sickly dull color with no real light, and below her feet is just a mirror image of herself that "pulls" her down to reality.
Once in reality, she views the company or The Man, she works for to be something Lovecraftian, something viewed as unholy for someone of her position until she realizes that she is slowly becoming that monster. Either that or it was about depression, or some other affliction.
I'm getting into the Jak portion of the story, but I personally feel that I should read each character's full stories (that are currently written), and just view each character as its own Book, then when you read them all you can read the connections between the three more easily.
But so far, I'm loving it, and I might give my Highway story another go, but I might make it more of a character study instead of rehashing the "group goes on wacky" adventures.
Confusing in the surreal abstract dream sense, for some reason my brain kinda muddles words together and so I have to reread certain paragraphs 8 or 9 times before it clicks. That's the glory of dysleixa for ya' folks, you try to make a career out of reading and writing, when you can't read or write properly yourself.
[Also here's AJs secret, he right clicks words with the red line underneath him to auto-correct it. Yep, that's right, AJ is a fraud boo him.]
Alright I ain't using the template for one main reason, I took it upon myself to become your editor and edit grammatical mistakes, "Enough the make SLAM quit her hero yammering." To, "Enough too make SLAM quit her hero yammering."As for Amy, that's a very interesting interpretation and I'm not going to lead on or detail whether you're onto something or you're off. I'm glad to hear what you think it means because it does show me what people, those looking for meaning, are going to think about the beginning. I've had some 4-5 people read it so far and none found it "Confusing", if you mean confusing in a 'I don't understand what he's writing about and I don't know how any of these paragraphs relate to one another' kind of way. As a surreal dream of sorts, it is meant to be unrealistic and confusing in a, 'wow, none of this should be possible' kind of way. This feedback is useful because I now know more about what that section means.
As well as changing one of the VIRUS's words to ALL CAPS since you made him sound like he's a new model.
I've only made it to chapter to, but I ****ing love SLAM, and the whole adware and her getting infected is way too clever to just be a simple internet on an obscure forum. I really love it.
But if I had one complaint, it'd be with Amy's beginning, if you meant for the dream sequence to be confusing, then you did it right... or I might just be a person who can't see abstract things in word form (even when I write it). But from my interpretation after reading: She dreamt that she was on Mars or on a place equally far away from humanity, that was alien enough for her to escape her troubles. But when she looks around her, she realizes its all just an illusion or a farce, the skies are a sickly dull color with no real light, and below her feet is just a mirror image of herself that "pulls" her down to reality.
Once in reality, she views the company or The Man, she works for to be something Lovecraftian, something viewed as unholy for someone of her position until she realizes that she is slowly becoming that monster. Either that or it was about depression, or some other affliction.
I'm getting into the Jak portion of the story, but I personally feel that I should read each character's full stories (that are currently written), and just view each character as its own Book, then when you read them all you can read the connections between the three more easily.
But so far, I'm loving it, and I might give my Highway story another go, but I might make it more of a character study instead of rehashing the "group goes on wacky" adventures.
Confusing in the surreal abstract dream sense, for some reason my brain kinda muddles words together and so I have to reread certain paragraphs 8 or 9 times before it clicks. That's the glory of dysleixa for ya' folks, you try to make a career out of reading and writing, when you can't read or write properly yourself.
[Also here's AJs secret, he right clicks words with the red line underneath him to auto-correct it. Yep, that's right, AJ is a fraud boo him.]
Okay that makes sense. If you found difficulty in understanding things I'll make the effort to make things a bit easier to understand with descriptions and what not. I've got to keep the abstractness though but I'll see what I can do to make that section easier.
Alright I ain't using the template for one main reason, I took it upon myself to become your editor and edit grammatical mistakes, "Enough the make SLAM quit her hero yammering." To, "Enough too make SLAM quit her hero yammering."As for Amy, that's a very interesting interpretation and I'm not going to lead on or detail whether you're onto something or you're off. I'm glad to hear what you think it means because it does show me what people, those looking for meaning, are going to think about the beginning. I've had some 4-5 people read it so far and none found it "Confusing", if you mean confusing in a 'I don't understand what he's writing about and I don't know how any of these paragraphs relate to one another' kind of way. As a surreal dream of sorts, it is meant to be unrealistic and confusing in a, 'wow, none of this should be possible' kind of way. This feedback is useful because I now know more about what that section means.
As well as changing one of the VIRUS's words to ALL CAPS since you made him sound like he's a new model.
I've only made it to chapter to, but I ****ing love SLAM, and the whole adware and her getting infected is way too clever to just be a simple internet on an obscure forum. I really love it.
But if I had one complaint, it'd be with Amy's beginning, if you meant for the dream sequence to be confusing, then you did it right... or I might just be a person who can't see abstract things in word form (even when I write it). But from my interpretation after reading: She dreamt that she was on Mars or on a place equally far away from humanity, that was alien enough for her to escape her troubles. But when she looks around her, she realizes its all just an illusion or a farce, the skies are a sickly dull color with no real light, and below her feet is just a mirror image of herself that "pulls" her down to reality.
Once in reality, she views the company or The Man, she works for to be something Lovecraftian, something viewed as unholy for someone of her position until she realizes that she is slowly becoming that monster. Either that or it was about depression, or some other affliction.
I'm getting into the Jak portion of the story, but I personally feel that I should read each character's full stories (that are currently written), and just view each character as its own Book, then when you read them all you can read the connections between the three more easily.
But so far, I'm loving it, and I might give my Highway story another go, but I might make it more of a character study instead of rehashing the "group goes on wacky" adventures.
Confusing in the surreal abstract dream sense, for some reason my brain kinda muddles words together and so I have to reread certain paragraphs 8 or 9 times before it clicks. That's the glory of dysleixa for ya' folks, you try to make a career out of reading and writing, when you can't read or write properly yourself.
[Also here's AJs secret, he right clicks words with the red line underneath him to auto-correct it. Yep, that's right, AJ is a fraud boo him.]
Okay that makes sense. If you found difficulty in understanding things I'll make the effort to make things a bit easier to understand with descriptions and what not. I've got to keep the abstractness though but I'll see what I can do to make that section easier.
Oh darling you don't have to do that!
Coming back to this, I've realized I skipped a huge chunk in Amy! Amy has already been written rather far, so I've been simply making adjustments and then copy and pasting what I've already written, but it seems I jumped the gun on a part! I have a new version coming out soonish and that error is fixed. I'll also give a list of things that have been changed.
Do you mind if I do a part by part review of this? I think that might let me be a bit specific about things that only concern a specific part rather then the whole of it. Figured I'd ask since you put up a review format and might want me to stick to that.
Okay here goes, Also I didn't think I could really adapt the format you had so I did my best, if there's a different structure you want me to use or any specifics you want me to add then do please tell me.
No problem, once I got into it I really enjoyed the read. And I just read Part Three, which appears to only have a part for Amy
Part 3 | Infectious
Okay, so you got my attention and then immediately took the exact opposite direction I was expecting. I was expecting the two friends to talk and Amy to vent, but instead it went into a day dream, or something like that. It was interesting and like I said not at all what I was expecting, and in a good way actually. I really don't have much to say, all around good again but one thing kind of got me.
'There was a quick tug on her hair, and then a strong pool and Amy felt herself slide right into the pool'
Uh, shouldn't 'strong pool' be 'strong pull'? Or am I missing something?
Holy shit there's new chapters!? Why wasn't I informed, I'm the Kaz Miller of this Mother Base!
YOU PLAYED ME LIKE A DAMN FIDDLE!