English motherfucker, do you speak it?Barely.
Are you Bill Cosby?Why don't we ask this box of pudding pops and woman passed out in my limo.
Who are you?The imaginary friend of a lonely italian. It was quiet a surprise when I showed up and asked if they could keep an eye on my boat as I walked off into their hedge. Later on, I became the necromancer, and after my first death I became the Lich. I founded a city and became Grand Lich of Gulgatha. Gulgatha crumbled and now I am little more than a magical skeleton imprisoned in a tower. Not for much longer though.
What keeps your pimp hand strong?I practice on a wooden post when I'm in the off season, gotta replace them every two or three weeks. It see's a lot of use in the primary pimping time of year though, so no need to keep it in shape with the post. Other than that, kid leather gloves to keep your hands from getting sore is a good idea.
I find that description a little bare boned...Who are you?The imaginary friend of a lonely italian. It was quiet a surprise when I showed up and asked if they could keep an eye on my boat as I walked off into their hedge. Later on, I became the necromancer, and after my first death I became the Lich. I founded a city and became Grand Lich of Gulgatha. Gulgatha crumbled and now I am little more than a magical skeleton imprisoned in a tower. Not for much longer though.
are you willing to take up the reigns of... SCIENCE GUYNo one can take the reigns of science guy from Bill Nye.
As a skeleton, what is your opinion on the great skeleton war?Personally, I wasn't for it originally. But soon I realized it was an important step for all of skeleton kind.
What does human flesh taste like.I have never had something that tasted so very much like, and yet so unlike veal in my entire unlife. There is really nothing quiet like it. The sweetest of meats, but the taste is highly variable as well. The living shouldn't eat it. Eating human flesh will break down the bonds between your brain cells. It's where the shakiness comes from, you eat so much of it that your brain can no longer keep your hands steady because you are killing it with too much long pork. A side note, never under any circumstances eat a human brain. You will kill your own brain. If the flesh is simply dissolving the bonds between neurons over time, eating a human brain is like striking yourself repeatedly in the head with a ball pean hammer. Being undead, I don't have to worry about it, but I don't really like brain much anyway.
Who would win in a gladiator style fight to the death, your Lich-ness, or a random Dragon?It would be a close fight, and neither side would come out any better than they went in. I'm inclined to say the lich, as long as the dragon can't find and destroy it's phylactery. Otherwise, a lich is practically immortal. On the other hand, random dragons are incredibly unpredictable.
Just for curiosity sake, no other reason like future plans or anything.
Who would win in a fight, a baby with a gun or a sentient gun with a baby?Sentient gun with baby. A baby with a gun is just a baby, and babies are dumb as hell. A sentient gun on the other hand knows exactly what it's supposed to be doing. That being said though, the gun is just sentient. It's not like it can move or even tell the baby what to do, unless we are talking "the one ring" sentience.
yer dumNo u.
Are you a mummy made of salt or are you a mummy that's salty about the whole dying and mummification thing?Neither. Salt mummification is the best. Most liches have to deal with their bodies dying, rotting away, and then the constant hassle of trying to hold a skeleton together. My body on the other hand was mummified in the traditional Gulgathan manner using a salt mixture called "natron." It's a method we borrowed from the egyptians, but we usually cover our mummies in a layer of red clay as they mummify and we don't extract the organs. I just had to sit around in my little ball, wait the few months the process took, and then I could retake control and move it around. The only drawback is that everything tastes of salt.
So what were you doing with that jockstrap?Jockstrap is actually very effective at holding the pelvis together while stitching new legs onto a test subject. I prefer them to other binding because they have just enough coverage while also providing easy access to the joints. I could use duct tape, but duct tape is a lot harder to remove from necrotic material once the work is done.
Are you a mummy made of salt or are you a mummy that's salty about the whole dying and mummification thing?Neither. Salt mummification is the best. Most liches have to deal with their bodies dying, rotting away, and then the constant hassle of trying to hold a skeleton together. My body on the other hand was mummified in the traditional Gulgathan manner using a salt mixture called "natron." It's a method we borrowed from the egyptians, but we usually cover our mummies in a layer of red clay as they mummify and we don't extract the organs. I just had to sit around in my little ball, wait the few months the process took, and then I could retake control and move it around. The only drawback is that everything tastes of salt.
Yes. It's happened before. It's not so bad though, I just release the body and have one of my minions hide my phylactary in with some trinkets and treasure. Eventually some idiot will find it and make the mistake of touching it. After that, it's a slow process of destroying their mind with dreams or visions and displacing their soul. Unfortunately it does mean that I lose a lot of time. Especially if no one comes treasure hunting for awhile. The best was that wizard though. I didn't even hide the phylactary. He just wandered in to my lair looking for the secrets of life and death. He found me instead. Moron knew exactly what the little silver ball in the ivory box was right away and STILL tried to grab it. XD It didn't take much to seize control either. That was in the days before I could get volunteers though.Are you a mummy made of salt or are you a mummy that's salty about the whole dying and mummification thing?Neither. Salt mummification is the best. Most liches have to deal with their bodies dying, rotting away, and then the constant hassle of trying to hold a skeleton together. My body on the other hand was mummified in the traditional Gulgathan manner using a salt mixture called "natron." It's a method we borrowed from the egyptians, but we usually cover our mummies in a layer of red clay as they mummify and we don't extract the organs. I just had to sit around in my little ball, wait the few months the process took, and then I could retake control and move it around. The only drawback is that everything tastes of salt.
So, wouldn't your corporeal form be destroyed by fire pretty easily? Such as that readily available from matches or found in the boiler of 19th century trains?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?How ever many it takes to get bored of licking it and just biting it instead.
Oi, salt mummy, do you like gals with sixpacks?As long as she has a nice face and a nice attitude. Hell the nice face is optional too. If you are ugly/fat/both but have a good attitude, you're alright and deserve to have someone. If you are ugly/fat/both AND are a bitch, I'm sorry but you are going to die alone.
not that kind of sixpack saltmummy. The /other/ type.
Jesus, why do people confuse muscle sixpack with a drink sixpack.
not that kind of sixpack saltmummy. The /other/ type.Not a Dr. Pepper fan eh? I guess that's why your still a kid. ;D
Jesus, why do people confuse muscle sixpack with a drink sixpack.
i fucking love doctor pepper you DENSE MOTHERFUCKER.Don't get mad. Get glad. Glad force flex trash bags.
In your capacity as a necromancer, you're surely religious. What belief do you subscribe to?Honestly? In all honesty, veneration of the dead and ancestor worship. Not a put on as the necromancer affectation, but as a serious real world belief.
That's an interesting answer, thanks for legitness.The comic? I had to look it up because no, I haven't read it. Looks good though, if it is this comic I'm looking at. Main characters name is Jesse Custer?
Have you ever read Preacher?
Yeah. SOTFS is worth it, makes the game harder. If you get it on PC we can JOLLY COOPERATION our way through it.I've got the regular on PC. Never tried to coop in souls, or is it a thing that's only a part of SOTFS?
You never summoned a phantom? And dark 2 has a ring that makes it easier to match make with your friends.Yeah. SOTFS is worth it, makes the game harder. If you get it on PC we can JOLLY COOPERATION our way through it.I've got the regular on PC. Never tried to coop in souls, or is it a thing that's only a part of SOTFS?
could you kindly pull it out of your ass?considering I'm not the one asking the questions, I think the questions are supposed to be pulled out of your ass. ;)
Hey saltmummy, its meNows its a question. Technically.
WALUIGI?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/46/Waluigi.png)
Whats your zombie apocalypse team/plan?It's not one of my experiments, mine are all shot and incinerated when they aren't needed anymore or the experiment is complete. Unlike less professional necromancers, I don't keep old experiments in cages or locked up in cells. You're asking for trouble if you keep them around. I also don't create large numbers of the damn things. That's the mistake most necromancers make, they create large uncontrollable hordes of undead and then they have an angry pitchfork wielding mob shoving torches up their asses. No, not mine.
Wait, are you saying a mere gun can defeat any of your minions?Sure, half of them are just bones held together with wire, magic, and willpower while the other half are living agents. I would advise against shooting my living agents though, they have families to feed and their insurance doesn't cover being shot. Being eaten or dismembered, yes. Bullets, no. Now, a skeleton is fairly difficult to destroy with a gun, it's a skeleton after all. The zombies are harder to bring down with a gun because of how dense and meaty they are. They can take a lot of punishment, but they are far too clumsy to be of any use to me.
Isn't that just a more somber form of larceny?Larceny and mutilation of grave remains, if you damage the body in some way. It's illegal to mutilate grave remains, but it's perfectly fine to own them. That's the loophole my men have been getting by on for awhile now.
Is it legal in your jurisdiction to mutilate cheerful remains?No. As a result, I can do pretty much whatever I want with whatever remains I wish as long as I don't intentionally damage them. Oddly enough, this also includes painting them but not plating them. It still illegal to steal them though. Theft is theft, and digging/toppling a grave is a major offense.
How about after life insurance?I can answer that one, and the answer is no. My original body is long gone, and after life insurance only covers an individuals original body. Actually, I suppose I could insure my phylactery. It would be a real work around of the system of course.
Did you serve in the skeleton war?I was a field medic, which is a reasonably easy job considering skeletons don't need to worry about sterilization. Just a bit of wire and some splints. Things got kind of hairy when the fuck boys came over the line, flexing and talking loud on their cell phones, and jerking off. We pushed the bastards back though, even got to wrench some heads from some shoulders myself that day. Everyday I think about those we lost in that brutal conflict and remember that it's not over yet. The skeleton war goes on.