Utterly Mad

You shove some Spram down your gullet. OH! Freedom Fries! It tastes like salty anus mixed with pig sweat. You cringe as the last bit of Spram greasily slides down your throat, shuddering you pull out some water to wash the horrid taste away. Shortly after you go looking for a leaf to dump in, but you soon realize that you're in a pine forest, and that it probably isn't possible; but just to make you happy I'll roll for it, if you get over 15 you find a leaf.... sorry but you ain't in Nam'. You find a nice nice pine tree and expel your used up freedom on, and wipe the bits away with some toilet paper; congrats you shat in the woods, have an achievement.

Achievement Unlocked: [I AM FREEDOM BEAR]: You poo'd in the woods like a real Patriot

You once again go looking for rabbits, but fail to find any, not even anything of their existence. Your mind begins to race now, your stomach sinks, maybe those Commie bastards exterminated all the rabbits. That means you would've failed your goal, that means no more rabbit farms for hard working patriots to work at, that means no more poo-pouches made from rabbit skin, you feel everything getting blurrier and blurrier. All you can smell is burnt ribs, sweet barbecue sauce, so sweet, so smokey.

Until you hear it that snaps you from your horrid hallucination. The sound... of a fine American!

"Dammit. Martha get the other set of prime rib, these burned again." Just from beyond the wall of bushes ahead of you, on the other side, fine American campers. Perhaps they'll help you on your quest to stop the communist threat! [[Hint: If anyone wants a remotely sane character, with remotely sane posts, then post something sane. If not this shit is going to get crazier and crazier until it borders on Metafiction.]]

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Needs

Hunger: |.|.|.|.|

Thirst: |.|.|.-.-

Sleep: |.|.|.|.|

Hygiene: |.|.|.|./

Bladder: |./.-.-.-

Bowels: -.-.-.-.-

Fatigue: -.-.-.-.-

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Your Inventory [Using: Large Leather Backpack]

Weapons
Weapon: [Hunting Rifle] [7/7 Rounds] [Bolt Action] [Reload Type: Insert/Clip]
Melee/Tool: [Flashlight] [60 Turns of light] [Okay for bashing]
Ammo: [x2 Boxes of 308. (28 Bullets)]

Gear
Items:
1. [Roll of Rough Toilet Paper] [3 Left] [Great Fuel for Fire]
2. [Compass] [Current Direction: Facing North]
3. [Fever Reducer] [5 Uses left] [Doubles as pain reliever]
4. [Rope] [Currently being used as a belt]
5. []
6. []
7. []

Food

1. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
2. [MRE] [Taste like crap] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars added!]
3. [Bottles of Clean Water] [Tastes like Water] [Satiating: 2 Full Bars Added!]
4. [Cans of Spram] [Acquired Taste] [Sodium: Causes thirst to go down by two parts] [Filling: 2 Full Bars Added!]
5. []
6. []
7. []