Utterly Mad

Quote from: A Blitzkrieg of Butts on April 13, 2017, 09:23:37 am

What do I do when A. Am 15, B. Live in St. Paul, MN, C. Have strict, unfun parents, D. Have little money, and E. Want a gun?

Oh, easy.

Step 1: Go out and use your meager funds to acquire some really nice clothing. Split any change you have left into as thick of a wad of singles as you can.

Step 2: Drive or get a ride to Chicago. It's only like 400 miles away, which is considered walking distance in Canada, so I'll leave the details of how you'll do this up to you.

Step 3: Make your way over to West Englewood. Specifically, you'll wanna end up outside of a place called the Sexty Sex, which is just off west 65th. Since you made it 400 miles without help, I'm pretty sure you can find your way there.

Step 4: Now, they probably won't let you in the bar, so what you're gonna wanna do is pace back and forth outside. If it's earlier than 11 PM, do this in front of the bar. Otherwise, there is a small alley next to it you should focus on pacing.

Step 5: Whenever a customer comes out, ask them if they know where you can score some gear. Every time you ask someone this, make sure to flash your giant roll of singles - the key is to do so non-chalantly, while still being incautious and quick enough that the person you are talking to can't really tell you only have $60.

Step 6: Someone with a gun will be along shortly.

OR, I could send you one. Enabler that I am. It probably won't function properly. Probably. Tiny little semiautomatic pistol. Kinda of thing you could fit in a large wallet, or hide under your scrotum as a holdout when they search you at the casino. about four or five inches in length, holds 7 rounds plus 1 in the chamber. Tiny little german scrotum pistol filled with tiny little insect husks from those little worms that eat paper. OR, I could send you a .45 revolver with a slightly warped barrel. Every shot drifts hard to the left, so I don't use it anymore.