Author Topic: The Daily Funnies! (Jokes and other funny stuff)  (Read 3371 times)

0 Members and 39 Guests are viewing this topic.

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

  • Arcade Admin
  • Moderator
  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,548
  • Dapperness +18/-19
  • Ghey Shurk
  • Location: Dolan Springs, Arizona
    • View Profile
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
Hah I remember seeing this joke before, can't remember where though... What's your source?

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."

The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.

A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
Hah I remember seeing this joke before, can't remember where though... What's your source?
I don't remember but it's probably on at least 200 different sites.
I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

Rhodri

  • Guest
Took this from one of Buzzfeed's clickbait videos.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
Spoiler: You won't believe what happens next! (hover to show)


I am so sorry I could not resist doing this. ~Bubbadoo
« Last Edit: May 13, 2015, 08:39:40 pm by Bubbadoo »

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
Took this from one of Buzzfeed's clickbait videos.
You won't believe what happened next!
I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

  • Arcade Admin
  • Moderator
  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,548
  • Dapperness +18/-19
  • Ghey Shurk
  • Location: Dolan Springs, Arizona
    • View Profile
Took this from one of Buzzfeed's clickbait videos.
You won't believe what happened next!
I just had to do that to the post.

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot at the waiter, but missed.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just tried shooting my friend!!!"

The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

"Why yes," the barman answered. "You're a panda."

"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlightened, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.


I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 84
  • Dapperness +1/-1
  • jeff
  • Location: United Kingdom
    • View Profile
What do you get if you cross maths with religion ?

Math-hammad.
The divide-ble.
And Jesus was nailed to a plus sign.

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
I just found out the Pope is now on twitter. and he's using iOS.
I'm really not too sure that this is a good idea. Last time Christianity got involved with an apple, it didn't turn out too well for humanity.
I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

  • POST LORD
  • **********
  • Posts: 2,312
  • Dapperness +20/-4
    • View Profile
I just found out the Pope is now on twitter. and he's using iOS.
I'm really not too sure that this is a good idea. Last time Christianity got involved with an apple, it didn't turn out too well for humanity.
Nah, this Pope be cool.
In all seriousness he probably knows what he's doing/has someone to help him out with it.

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 262
  • Dapperness +0/-0
  • God of Fungus
    • View Profile
Nah, this Pope be cool.
In all seriousness he probably knows what he's doing/has someone to help him out with it.
Well ok then, Mr. Anti-Joke
he is a duck, i am a batman villain.
Stop digging up the horse's corpse for a new round of beatings.

  • Probably okay.
  • Admin
  • POST LORD
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,221
  • Dapperness +55/-55
  • It is what it is.
  • Location: England - Liverpool
    • View Profile
Ah Vulnus, forever being serious. Never change.
Formerly SiegeLion

Sixposting INTENSIFIES
leather made from foreskin.
yeah, i'd punch an old lady.
Everything's gunpowder if you have enough oxidizer.
It can only mean the shenangularity.

  • Postcount Generalissimo
  • *
  • Posts: 1,518
  • Dapperness +27/-65535
  • Cat of Conspiracy and Granola
  • Location: 1123 6536 5321
    • View Profile
I just found out the Pope is now on twitter. and he's using iOS.
I'm really not too sure that this is a good idea. Last time Christianity got involved with an apple, it didn't turn out too well for humanity.
Nah, this Pope be cool.
In all seriousness he probably knows what he's doing/has someone to help him out with it.
I'd fucking drop kick an old lady, no questions asked.
I am always right when shark dicks are involved.
If it's not interrogation porn then it's poorly named and a missed opportunity.
Well, if you think about it, rape is for fun.
if utterly mad was any gayer, i'd shop here
I'd rather circumcise myself in a public place.
Eh, I don't really find anyone's sig too unreasonable. Though Caconym's is almost unreasonable

  • POST LORD
  • **********
  • Posts: 2,312
  • Dapperness +20/-4
    • View Profile
I just found out the Pope is now on twitter. and he's using iOS.
I'm really not too sure that this is a good idea. Last time Christianity got involved with an apple, it didn't turn out too well for humanity.
Nah, this Pope be cool.
In all seriousness he probably knows what he's doing/has someone to help him out with it.

I actually got the reference mate. Also, apples are of the devil, that's why I use 'em to pelt the docs, tell me to eat satanic fruit will you?

Also: :p :p :p

  • Probably okay.
  • Admin
  • POST LORD
  • *****
  • Posts: 2,221
  • Dapperness +55/-55
  • It is what it is.
  • Location: England - Liverpool
    • View Profile
What if Vulnus was in fact an incredibly good troll and none of us have ever noticed.
Formerly SiegeLion

Sixposting INTENSIFIES
leather made from foreskin.
yeah, i'd punch an old lady.
Everything's gunpowder if you have enough oxidizer.
It can only mean the shenangularity.

 

NOCTIFER IS A FAGGOT