Utterly Mad

You get addicted to caffeine. You need more. You rob a Starbucks store for more coffee. MORE! You get arrested the next day.

I want Obama to have gay sex with Ted Cruz while Hillary Clinton watches.

Oh look, nuclear war!

Naah, everything's fiiiiinnneee.

Congratulations, you killed everyone.


I wish I wouldn't die for the next ~1,000,000 years.

You out - live your loved ones and friends. You get depressed and go into a cave and wait until die.

Jokes on you, I have no loved one's or friends!
...
Anyway!

I wish for a pet Raptor that won't rip my face off and eat my and do other misc. Unpleasant things that not nice raptors do. Also it must be a realistic raptor, it has feathers.

The government takes the raptor away because holy sh*t a living raptor. Men In Black kill you so as no citizen is allowed to know about the secret 'Raptor Revival' program.


I wish I was one of those jellyfish that can live forever by reversing their aging cycles.

The raptors kill every living thing on the planet except you, you're now alone with the raptors. They try to breed with you.

I wish that people weren't so cruel to animals for no reason.

granted but you get shot down almost immediately after taking off.

I wish for world peace without violence.

Fine, they don't eat people. They eat each other until there is exactly one raptor remaining. That last raptor dies of natural causes soon after.

I wish someone would kill me in the most painful and slowest way possible.

Granted, after several decades you have been killed with a spoon.

So... Exactly what I wished for? Not exactly corrupt.

I wish for more dapperness points.

Granted, but you get twice the amount of borish points, negating the dapperness.

I wish I could become a necromancer.