HOLY FUCK! MY INTERNET IS BACK, I'M IN A NEW LOCATION, AND WE HAD TO CALL A FRIENDLY MIDDLE EASTERN MAN TO SET UP OUR WIFI.
Seriously, I tried connecting the mottum... mothum... "internet obelisk that dispenses wi-fi signals" and it literally fucking told me to call their support line or go back to the store and get a "n-adapter" to connect to the internet wirelessly. I spent about 3 hours banging my head trying to get the fucking thing to work.
We called the number he got it setup in about 2 mins, and then told us we'd get a phone bill in a few weeks time.
I think our family just switched to the greater evil of two terrible cable companies.