The warmaster toured the zoo, her mind still fuzzy from the milk, taking note of all the fierce creatures there-in. Virtually every terrifying beast that had ever graced the imagination of a bold was represented, and Apa couldn't help but be impressed. She'd been right in her assessment of the shaman's cleverness - and she now understood the problem with her original plans of building an army.
After carefully inventorying the animals, she tracked down the shaman in the temple.
"Salty, this is the most utterly batshit Bold and brilliant thing I've ever seen. I fucking knew you'd come through!" She yelled cheerfully, her face inches from the shaman's.
Salt jolted out of his peaceful meditation. "What you mean, Apa?"
"The animal army. I knew you hadn't given up on our secret master plan! Once we get those things up and alive, we'll be un-fucking-stoppable!"
"Apa, animals not moving. Animals is just stone."
"Yeah, I know, just like the last fucking army we built, buncha lazy fuckers they ended up being. But this means you solved it, right?"
"I not know what you mean."
Apathetic slapped the shaman on the back, much harder than she probably meant to. "I mean that was the problem, wasn't it? Our last try didn't work because it was all fucking Bolds. Only the Gods can make Bolds come to life, and I should have known that shit. But you're a shaman, so you can get those fucking monsters downstairs up and slaughtering, right?"
The shaman sighed. He was a little tired of explaining this. "Apa, last 'try' was just fun. It was fun making believe, and me had great fun chanting and making torches, but was just game."
"Yeah, but.. animals! Fucking animals! What kind of Armok-damned shaman are you?"
"One that throws bones. Makes pretty zoo for friends. Is just shaman, Apa, not god."
"So, what, it's just another big fucking pile of useless fucking rocks?"
"Is not useless. Is pretty. For friends, after big trouble year." Salt smiled. He'd done good, and he knew it. Unfortunately, the warmaster seemed the think otherwise.
"WELL WHAT THE FUCK! MORE FUCKING ROCKS TO FUCKING LOOK AT. THAT'S JUST SUPER FUCKING GREAT. I OUGTA RUN EVERY SINGLE LAST FUCKING BOLD HERE THROUGH, SHIT IN THEIR COFFINS, AND....." Apa raged around for a while, and Salt sighed again. She meant well, but he had the feeling she wasn't the brightest torch in the temple, so to speak.
"It ok Apa, maybe bones will say you in charge again, and new plan will work."
((OOC: Seriously, that was brilliant - Boldest zoo ever. Have a North Korea. Can't wait to look through it, or maybe try and drag an adventurer through if I can ever figure that out. Also can't wait to see what poor RD thinks, haha.))